I'll really be shocked if I get this thing...tfa

Alright, so after crashing for a few hours I'm now awake again to write about my feelings at the TFA interview.

First thing on my mind is that I didn't present myself accurately, and most likely gave my interviewers a false impression of who I am and what kind of teacher I would be. After the sample lesson I got a headache (maybe this had something to do with because I was so relieved that is was over?) that got progressively worse as the day went on. At the final interview I was unable to think at times, as my mind would focus on the headache. I remember several times during pauses that I made (when I would try to think of an answer for the questions), where I would say in my head, "wow, I have a bad headache" or "I wish this headache would go away" hmmph. Anyway...I know these are excuses, but I can learn from this and apply appropriately to my next interview (with Twin Cities Teaching Fellows). Namely what I can apply is...GET A GOOD NIGHT'S REST, DON'T STRESS OVER ANY OF IT, BE YOURSELF. This advice is so simple, but it's some of the reasons that I (in my eyes) did bad at the interview today.

Working on 3 hours of interrupted sleep = not a good idea, as a pounding headache will ensue.
Stressing about 5 minutes (the sample lesson) of the entire day = not worth it.
Other than "headaches=bad", Don't let "professionalism" get in the way of being you.

I felt a little awkward at the 5 minute lesson. Luckily, I had taken my suit coat off so that I could be a bit more free with my gestures. I feel like this would have restricted me...but sure it didn't make me look as professional, I would think. I didn't run out of time, at least. People did lessons on: hyperboles, insect legs, Pythagorean theorem, human skeleton, beginner Spanish, the Bernoulli principle, and Evo Morales the president of Bolivia. I think mine went the worst, if I am to compare--but I think that's just looking back and feeling crummy about the day :/

The day itself was really fun and I loved hearing one of the interviewer's story/TFA experience. All the other interviewees were nice and one even worked at the UofMN cedar creek lab and we talked a bit about that. The overall atmosphere of the day was very time-structured..."you have 90 seconds to read the instructions", "there is __ minute remaining" were common phrases from the interviewers throughout each activity.

The one-on-one interview went really great for 90% of the time. We played a role-play (I was an English teacher who didn't like being in the computer lab doing grammar/sentence lessons and would rather have done Romeo & Juliet with my students. The interviewer played the part of the English chair.) which turned out awkward. I didn't like my objective (to get out of the computer lab altogether that the chair so graciously made a priority for the 9th grade English department). I know I shouldn't have said it, but I told her that an issue so meaningless like this would never happen to me, sure maybe if I were invested in it somehow (and it would probably have to be a lot for some super important reason). I told her that I would simply implement Romeo & Juliet curriculum into my grammar and sentence lessons (that we were supposed to be doing in the computer lab), so that the students could get the best of both worlds (in the scenario, the students are complaining about the computer lab, saying it's a waste of time). I asked her for her advice in my idea--If this was possible to do, given the software, and if she had any helpful hints in making this a reality. She simply said, "yeah, that's good. Why don't you do that?"

The idea of a role play in an interview is a really good one, but making a strict objective like this that I must follow puts me into a mold of a teacher I would never be. I assume that my interviewer wanted me not pose such a simple solution at the very beginning. I assume she wanted me to stick to the objective, tooth and nail at the start, then slow wind down the a solution that is best for both sides.

Maybe I'm taking at this in the wrong direction. Maybe I should be thinking about how, I assume, they wanted to see my problem solving skills and way of thinking. If that's the case, it was difficult for me to get over the flaws (in my opinion) of the role-play. I guess, I look at being a teacher not having to be a battle with the administration, but rather a compromise and a cooperative effort to make the best for the students. I would say an effective educator is able to adjust, not complain about policy on such meaningless issues like this, be willing to collaborate ideas, and be completely humble. Not to have a specific goal in mind (i.e. an objective to get out of the computer lab altogether [be unwilling to vary my lessons], because students don't like it) and stick to it, tooth and nail.

The other trip up in the interview was that the interviewer told me not to talk about anything I had previously talked about in the phone interview. This really sucked, honestly. I poured myself into that phone interview--it was really everything I got concerning hardships, overcoming a challenge, organizing my time, etc. Which is sad in some regards, but I feel was unfair for her to make that stipulation to me (by the way, the ONLY applicant in the room that had a phone interview--everyone else was invited straight to the in-person). To get this job, should I start putting myself in bad situations that I have to overcome? Does hardship-avoidance count for anything? I feel like I have overcame a lot in my life--I am alive and that's a lot say, and I'm really proud about that. I've been through countless experiences where I had to make decisions that influenced my life for the good (or bad). Maybe because I see them this way, they are no longer "hardships" even if I had a bad experience, or had to overcome something, I was able to grow from it (no matter how small it may be), so therefore it is in my eyes (perhaps) not a hardship that I have overcame, but a positive life experience that countless other people have rightly done as well. So, what I am getting at here, is that I was unable to talk about my independent project experience and wasn't able to talk about my conflict with an employee at work, all because I said it already in the phone interview...well let me say these things again, please? My phone interviewer got his interpretation of my "hardship" wrong. Ask me to "tell me more about this" so that you can have my side, straight from the ponies mouth. I paused for at least a minute in thought of something I could say to her that wasn't these experiences burned into my forethought, and I came up short. I had nothing to say and I told her as much.

I don't know what to write about. I'm noticing that sifting through the day is making me sadder by the minute. There are so many things that I could have done better (think of next time, right?). I didn't come out of this thing feeling much self-worth. The question in the back of my mind looms, "should I even be a teacher?"